Why I Have Stayed Catholic

Dear Reader,

Over the past 12 years I have searched high and low to make sure the Catholic Church is right for me. In my early twenties I struggled with the opulence and wealth of the Church, my temporary liberal moment..joking. I struggled with the disconnect between parishes and young adults. I tried my hand at living counter to Church teaching and questioning papal infallibility. In a word I grew up and had to make sure the faith of my childhood was the right one. A lot of people seem to this anymore. It is one of those ways to assert independence from the parentals. Now that I am nearly 30 I can see that I was wandering aimlessly and wasn’t as interested in living truth as I pretended to be. I do a lot of talking, but most of the time can’t walk the walk.

I started attending non-Catholic youth groups in high school. I never really had Catholic friends in high school and I hadn’t been to CCD in years, so most of my friends were “born again” Christian. I went to their youth groups, retreats, and gatherings. I still brought my limited understanding of Catholicism in tow. I argued theology and Scripture with all of them; most of the time it remained respectful and occasionally it would cause hurt on both sides. I loved my friends. They were all (and still are) wonderful people who genuinely wanted to lead lives of Christ; we just differed on approach and some key theological issues. The core was the same, though; the love of Christ and love of our neighbor supersedes all. Even with our differences their lives of faith have had a profound impact on me. I just couldn’t abandon my Catholicism completely.

When I joined the Navy at 18 I began to attend Mass sporadically. I read theology and Christian writings all of the time, but I didn’t really practice per say. During those first couple of years in I was introduced to a very interesting technique some Christians are using to gain converts. Taking them out on dates in the hopes they would convert. This is where I first came toe-to-toe with Calvinism. At first, the theology didn’t sound too different. The gentleman began slowly and didn’t bring up controversial topics in the beginning. He focused on the love of Christ and one another; sounded good to me. Well, he made the catastrophic mistake of introducing predestination to me. He didn’t just introduce it to me as a theological argument; no he actually managed to condemn my entire family to Hell in the process. In my mind my father was the most pious and learned man that I know and he condemned him to Hell. Well, so much for Presbyterianism. I am in no way accusing all people in these denominations of doing these types of things. I am merely explaining my experiences. I know that the gentleman meant well. You see none of these Christians meant harm. I believe they did all of this purely out of love and desire to save my soul; a noble goal to be sure.

For the next few years I wandered aimlessly but I did attend Mass more frequently. I discovered one of my favorite churches of anywhere I have been: St. Mary’s in Annapolis, MD. The church itself is beautiful and is still intact after years of the beigification of church buildings. The ceiling is blue and painted with stars. While Christ, His Mother, and the Saints look out at the parishioners from around the Tabernacle. The priests were down to earth and gave great homilies. Some of my most peaceful moments were found there.

In England I was finally going to Mass nearly every Sunday, but also met one of the most important friends of my life, Nicky. We would go to church together at her non-denominational church and she would accompany me to Mass every now and then. Since she was raised High Church Anglican she didn’t feel as out of place in the Catholic setting. I had a good time attending her services and meeting the various members of the church. I also attended the big Christian festival Grapevine where I learned a lot. I occasionally had to walk out thanks to Catholic bashing, but for the most part the topics stayed on Christian living. Nicky taught me the definition and example of true friendship. We accepted our theological differences and accepted one another as we were; both trying to follow Christ even if the expression was different. She showed me how the Catholic-Protestant divide isn’t nearly as large as we make it out to be. Thank you, Nicky! She also taught me the value of a good ole British hiking adventure! ;op

When I left the Navy things fell apart for a while. Struggling with service connected PTSD and depression made my faith become secondary. It is strange really. When things are darkest is when I run away from the light. It is as if the darkness is my security blanket that I didn’t want to leave it behind; just call me Linus. I all but abandoned my faith. I made some mistakes that many people make and I lived in a period of cognitive dissonance for nearly three years. I went to Mass regularly, but pretended that my lifestyle didn’t matter. It caused me unspeakable pain and tore my soul apart. When I moved to DC to intern at The Heritage Foundation, I started over.

The funny thing about my move to DC (for the third time) was that I started over again at where I was at 18. I started to question the Church; mainly because the parish on Capitol Hill was falling into liberal ruin, which broke my heart. The sermons were questionable and it was the most sparsely populated parish I have ever seen. I started going to other churches again. I went to a non-denominational church and a Baptist church. I discovered quickly that my theological differences were still within me. I seriously considered joining one of these churches, as no good Catholic Church was in sight and they do have some convincing arguments against the church; at least within the lens of Sola Scriptura, which I have never accepted. However, predestination reared its ugly head again and I was on my way out. I will write a blog on this issue eventually. Let’s just say I do not personally believe in limiting God’s love and mercy to a chosen few. My friend Alyson saved the day by reminding me of the National Shrine (Basilica of the Immaculate Conception) located on Catholic U’s campus. We went to Mass there and slowly things began to change. Thank you, Alyson! Holy Week of 2009 solidified my Catholic faith. The Masses were incredible in their beauty and splendor. As they are supposed to, they lifted me to heaven with the saints and angels. There is nothing like the candlelit Easter Vigil service. It is, in my opinion, the most beautiful of the year. It was not just the reminders of why I was Catholic that pushed me back into her arms.

I had never experienced Easter in a Protestant church before, so I went to the Baptist church since I had attended Saturday Mass. There was no splendor, no Easter lilies, no grand celebration that today was the Resurrection. Rather, it was barely mentioned and they continued on their Bible Study of Revelation. This crushed me. I wanted to look around and shout, “Do you not know what today is? It is Resurrection Sunday!!! We should be celebrating and rejoicing!” I then realized that the liturgical calendar was completely foreign to them. They celebrated Easter, but it was internal and through lunches and dinners. You see one of the most beautiful aspects of the Catholic Church is that we literally celebrate the life of Christ throughout the year. We start with waiting for His birth (Advent), celebrate His birth (Christmas), go to His Baptism, His temptation in the desert (Lent), His Passion (Good Friday), then the Resurrection (Easter), His return to Heaven (Ascension), and Pentecost. The rest of the year is devoted to His ministry with feast days strewn in. We are living His life over and over again through our liturgical year. Don’t get me wrong. I am not implying that Protestants do not live His life; it just is so much more tangible for me through Holy Mother Church. From that day on I fully belonged to the Catholic Church and will remain that way until my last breath.

Being Catholic still comes with a lot of struggles. The Catholic Church is by no means perfect, and while her infallible teachings are from God and cannot be corrupted, men and women do plenty to hurt the Church. We are, after all, Fallen and at times beastly creatures. I heard the Church once described as water, pure and clean water, which is sitting in a rusty old pale. We (laity, priests, and religious alike) are that rusty old pale and God’s Divine Revelation is the water. The struggles of the Church are more apparent to me now than they have ever been. Secularism, relativism, and political ideology are warring for Catholic hearts and minds. I pray the latter wins out. God bless.

I thank God for all of the people who have impacted me on my faith journey!