Confronted With the Poor

The past few days my family and I have been traveling on a mini-vacation/business trip.  When my husband has a business trip in a city we like, we tend to tack on a few extra days of vacation.  We spent a day in Charlottesville, VA checking out Thomas Jefferson's home: Monticello. Now we are in Washington DC for a few days.  On Friday evening, as we left IHOP, I noticed a gentleman holding a sign who was asking for food or money.  This is something that I grew accustomed to living in DC years ago, but I do not see it where we live now.  When I saw him, all I could think of was Christ's words telling me that what I do to the least of these, I did it to Him.  I asked my husband to pull into McDonald's to buy a gift card for the gentleman.  We do not like to give money, because he may use it for drugs or alcohol.  We gave him a couple of gift cards and went on our way.  We noticed a nice cell phone sticking out of his pocket.  We looked at each other and said we need to trust that it was the right thing to do.

This morning on the other hand, I failed.  As I sat in DC traffic I saw a gentleman begging for money.  I had no way of getting him food or gift cards.  I had five bucks in my pocket.  I knew that it was there and I did not know what to do.  Should I give it to him?  Will he use it for drugs?  He was wearing rags.  He was dirty and older.  He clearly lives on the streets.  Having lived in DC in the past, I already know that a lot of people live on the streets.  You see them when you walk through the city at night.  They sleep on steam grates to keep warm.  The light changed and he crossed in front of my car without passing by my driver's side window.  As I drove by and parked on Constitution Ave to begin walking with Michaela, I started to examine my conscience.  It then dawned on me that more so than my concern that he would use my money for illicit items, I was concerned with how other drivers would perceive me.  They would think me naive, stupid, enabling. I cared more about what they thought, then what Christ commanded me to do.   I just denied Christ, again.  I am St. Peter; without the saintliness.

I will have to discuss this with my confessor.  This is one of those situations when it is so hard to know what is the right thing to do for these homeless people.  Can I give them cash?  Is there a better way?  I usually try to buy a sandwich, give a gift card, or a bottle of water.  But what about those moments when money is the only option?  I know that my reasons were sinful in this instance.  There is an arrogance and egotism to DC.  I used to be a part of that system.  Sometimes it comes out when I come to visit and in this moment I was worried about looking like a tourist.  This is ridiculous and shameful.  I left this city because I no longer wanted to be a part the power hunger and arrogance.  I am thankful God did not call me to politics after all.  I know wonderful people who work here.  They can handle the corruption and work against it, I could not.  It made me angry and God called me out of this city that I used to love.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this one?  How have dealt with it?  Like me, have you denied Christ?  This is not the first time that I have, and knowing my sinful nature it will not be my last.  I can pray for the grace to be courageous, though.

I pray that you are having a most blessed Easter season.  Isn't being Catholic great?!  We get 50 days of Easter!