Forgiveness

I have heard a lot of people like to pick a word to describe their focus for a given year.  I know that January is nearly over, but my word just came to me.  My word for this year is forgiveness.  This will be the Year of Forgiveness.  This word is of great significance to me because it is one of the hardest commandments issued by Christ for me to follow.  A couple of years of going to Confession bi-weekly has taught me that Pride and Anger are constant companions of mine.  The other day it hit me as to why these sins are repeat offenders in my life.  I can be a little slow on the uptake, if you know what I mean. I have deep pain and anger that I have not forgiven.

I tend to live the adage that it is much harder to hit a moving target.  That means that I usually push past pain and do not make a choice to confront it and even harder, forgive the offense.  'Anger really is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.'  These old wounds are not something that I think about daily, but obviously I am responding to them, whether it be old family hurts, friendships that did not work out, or a spat with my husband.  I have a very long memory.  I also have old journals and random pregnancy induced memories that pop up to remind of why I may have responded in anger to someone.  It is not their doing.  It is my choice to allow that past hurt to take over in the present.  I must focus on forgiving.  This is no easy task for me.

I need to come up with ways to focus on forgiving others whether it be focusing on them in prayer, shutting my mouth to avoid saying something hurtful, confronting the anger that wells up inside of me, or just choosing to love.  Some of my hurts may require fasting.  Jesus himself tells us that some sins are so imbedded that they require prayer AND fasting.  I cannot fast from food as I am pregnant, but I can give up on those things that take up a lot of my time i.e. Facebook, TV. Forgiveness is difficult, especially in longer and closer relationships like families and marriages.  It is absolutely necessary for the health of those relationships, peace of mind, and to live as Christ calls us.

I am re-reading Matthew Kelly's Rediscovering Catholicism for the umpteenth time and it really struck me how much we Christians say, but do not do.  People in our culture are empty and trying to fill themselves with wealth, possessions, sex, drugs, technology, etc.  We are all called to holiness, to sainthood.  It is the meaning of our lives.  It can be difficult in our own sinfulness to show the world why Christianity is the way.  But, it is in our brokeness that we can bring Christ to others.  It is also in our counter-cultural living.  That means that you and I must focus on the Virtues in our words, actions, and thoughts.

Who am I not to forgive?  Christ has forgiven all people.  They just have to accept; I just have to accept his forgiveness.  Think about it this way.  On the Cross, Our Lord was at the most extreme level of pain and suffering that any human (hypostatic union does not change this pain) could endure.  He had been beaten to the point where His body was raw.  His head bled from the deep wounds of the Crown of Thorns.  He could barely keep himself up and had to struggle to breathe for the three hours he hung on the Cross.  In all of this suffering, when most of us would despair, what did He do?  He asked His Heavenly Father, our Heavenly Father, to forgive all sinners throughout the ages.  He even asked for forgiveness for the people who tortured Him and put Him to death.  All of us, no matter our sins, are given His unreserved and undeserved forgiveness that is purely out of His loving nature.  If I can be freely forgiven, why cannot I not choose to forgive all of the transgressors throughout my life?  I have no excuse.  Pray for me, would you?  By God's grace this year will be a truly blessed one that is wrapped in loving forgiveness.

Do you have a word or focus for this year?  May God bless you always.