Leap and the Net Will Form

While my cell phone does not take the grandest of pictures, you should be able to make out a positive pregnancy test. I was starting to suspect that I was pregnant because I was getting motion sick in the car and getting the elation associated with pregnancy. I may be sick as a dog during pregnancy, but my first trimesters are full of creativity, writing, and highs. What I was not expecting was to start throwing up at just over 3 weeks pregnant and have a very positive test (3 to be exact!) this early. I did not start getting sick (all day!) until 6 weeks with my daughter and I had mild nausea before I lost our last child.

When we lost our last child (Caleb Augustine), we had decided that we would wait to tell anyone until there was a heartbeat or even until the second trimester. The loss of our last child was very difficult for me and still hurts. My husband wanted to spare me the pain of having to call everyone and tell them our sad news. However, after our last loss we received an outpouring of support. The loss of our daughter's twin (Victoria Lynn), while no less traumatic, was still joyous for most people, so they did not know how to respond to that miscarriage. The support and compassion we received reminded me that we mourn as a community. There is a reason that mourning makes it onto the Beatitudes.

When I found out that I was pregnant yesterday morning, I was so excited and happy. Michaela gets to be a big sister! My excitement, of course, was tinged with the fear of another loss. Even with this trepidation, I honestly could not hold in my joy and had to share with our family and local friends. Not to mention that since I am already throwing up, it would be hard to keep a secret. I don't have those kinds of pregnancies that can be hidden.

I know that a lot of people like to wait until 12 weeks to share because of the fear of miscarriage and I completely understand. I have decided, however, that no matter how long I carry a child, their life is worth celebrating and sharing. While the world may not understand because it has given in to the temptation of the culture of death, I want to live in the culture of life. We are going to have a baby! For the next nine months I will thank and praise God each time I have to throw up. I will hug the toilet in gratitude. Do you know why? Because every time that I get sick, it means that my hormones are where they are supposed to be. It means that my child is healthy. If you need me I will be the one embracing our toilet while my toddler stands next to me for moral support. May God bless you always!