This pregnancy is a lot different from my last two. It is still very early, but the vomiting is not too bad, yet. What is really getting to me, though, is the lack of energy and depression. I am really down. To be quite frank, I feel like I did when I had postpartum, albeit not quite as extreme. I have not had the happy days that I experienced in my last two pregnancies in the early weeks. Instead, I am moody, short tempered, combative, and lazy. I am having a very hard time staying motivated. This is the difficult side of pregnancy. I would almost rather be throwing up 10 times a day again. I am grateful, but struggling. Pray for me and my family, would you?
My husband and daughter are struggling with me right now. I feel terrible. I feel like I am functioning on one brain cell. I cannot multitask at all. I think that my toddler senses that something is changing in me. She has been really clingy while I want to push away. Yes, feeling like a terrible mother moment. It is hard to remember to unite my suffering to Christ on the Cross when I feel alone and empty right now. I need to spend more time in Scripture and perhaps with Blessed Mother Teresa's writings right now than Facebook and the negative news from the world.
Pregnancy is a blessing, but it is a struggle for me. I want to be a testament to God's love and the pro-life message, but it is really hard right now. I just wanted to blurt out a little honesty. THIS IS HARD! I am sorry to complain. In the end, there will be a beautiful new baby who can bring Christ's love to the world by His grace. That is what I need to focus on, rather than my own suffering. Do you have any prayer intentions that I can unite with my suffering? I am trying to figure out this whole redemptive suffering thing. Let me know. God bless you always.
P.S. I need a thesaurus...I used struggle a lot in this very short post...LOL
I've had difficult days like this too in the past, your words reminded me of something Mother Angelica wrote in her booklet, The Healing Power of Suffering. I am praying for you and I hope these words of hers may be of comfort.
ReplyDelete"Every pain we endure with love, every cross born with resignation, benefits every man, woman, and child in the Mystical Body of Christ. Those who are chosen to bear a greater portion of suffering than others are called by God to help the souls of many whose lives are bereft of the knowledge and love of God. Redemptive suffering not only helps poor sinners directly by suffering for them but edifies and consoles good and holy souls as they journey through life striving for holiness."
Thank you, Kari! That quote is beautiful and a big help. Have a very blessed weekend.
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